How To Embrace Your Imperfections
It is a known fact that each of us is unique. We have our own qualities, traits, and imperfections. What some may call imperfections is what basically differentiates us from anybody.
We struggle with some of them but our uniqueness makes any human being interesting. We are created for a purpose in this world. Let us bear in mind that our imperfections make us who we are. We are stronger and better human beings as we journey in life.
We struggle because we identify ourselves as inadequate. Bear in mind that this does not embody the wholeness of your being.
The Story of the Cracked Pot
Let me tell you a story of how our imperfections can be channeled rightly.
A water bearer had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One-pot had a crack in it, while the other was perfect and consistently delivered a whole portion of water.
One day, at the end of the long walk from the stream to his house, the cracked pot arrived half full. This continued daily for two years, with the bearer bringing home one and a half pots of water.
The perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the cracked pot was miserable and embarrassed by its own imperfection since it fulfilled only a fraction of what it was designed for.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, the crackpot spoke to the water bearer one day by the river: “I’m ashamed of myself because this crack in my side causes water to leak all the way back to your house. I want to apologize to you”.
“Why”, asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”
“I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because of this crack in my side which causes water to leak out all the way back to the house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion, he said, “As we return to the house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wildflowers on the side of the path, and he cheered him. But at the end of the trial, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I’ve always known about your flaw. I sowed flower seeds on your side of the path and every day on our walk back to the house, you watered them. I have always know your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them.”
“For two years I’ve picked these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being the way you are, I wouldn’t have this beauty to decorate the house. Without you being just the way you are, we would not have this beauty to grace the house.”
Moral of the story: each one of us has his own unique flaws. We are all cracked pots.
But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so interesting and rewarding.
What you regard as limitations is good fortune clothed as hardship, yet when applied correctly can transform your life.
Accept yourself completely, knowing you possess a combination of qualities. Instead of bringing attention to your weaknesses, view them as gifts to transform into the wholeness of your being.
It’s pointless striving to become someone you’re not. To maintain a facade over time is exhausting and strips you of your authentic self.
We are not attracted to others because of their virtues; their wholeness of character is what resonates with us most.
Consider being in a room of attractive people and notice the tendency to fixate on your own faults. It’s human nature to measure ourselves against others, though we need not subjugate our self-worth.
“In fact, it is the favorable comparisons that we draw against others not in our group that help to define who we are. This is how we formulate our identity – by focusing on what we are not. The trouble is that by focusing on others, we miss our own imperfections,” states author Bruce Hood in The Self Illusion: Why There is No ‘You’
Inside Your Head.
To accept your imperfections, cease trying to satisfy others. The more you aim to please, the fewer people are inclined to identify with you, because people-pleasing is a powerless state.
There are several leading actors and successful entrepreneurs with notable imperfections which they used to their advantage. Consider Arnold Schwarzenegger’s heavy accent which didn’t discourage him from becoming Hollywood’s most prominent star. Similarly, Richard Branson’s dyslexia had little hindrance when he was establishing his thriving billion-dollar Virgin empire.
Whilst I acknowledge the following wisdom is often given out, it is under-utilized owing to its simplicity. The power of gratitude can help us to realize the wholeness of our character. A blemish on an apple does not make it inedible but gives it further appeal.
Equally, vulnerability allows us to embrace our imperfections because we communicate the same intention to others. It shows our humanness, given that perfection is an unattainable ambition if we wish to lead an authentic life.
Without a doubt, what you look for, you are certain to encounter.
We must be mindful of our shortcomings yet still bring our greatest work to life. As a further example, the actor Sylvester Stallone was once advised that his slurred speech would pose an obstacle to becoming an on-screen actor. Nevertheless, he channeled that objection to creating a streak of successful films playing the lead character Rocky Balboa, the impoverished boxer hailing from the slums of Philadelphia.
I appreciate the message from psychotherapist and author David Richo who affirms, “Error and errancy are not tragedies. They are ingredients of and directions to discovery. They show us paths that humble us, startle us, and point us to new horizons. They do not have to lead to regret or shame. We say yes to our imperfection and accept our mistakes.”
So, welcome your imperfections and stop regarding them as an impediment. Delight in them, while impacting the lives of others.
At some stage in our life, we subscribe to a distorted image that portrays people as perfect. Perhaps the media plays a role, yet this image is far removed from reality.
We must let go of striving for perfection and accept our true identity. We are complex beings and our physical appearance is one facet of our being. If we fixate on our imperfections whilst downplaying other aspects, we overlook the wholeness of who we are.
Consider viewing a masterpiece painting close up. Your attention is drawn to the bold brushstrokes that appear distracting to the eye. Yet, when you step back and view the painting from afar, you realize the beauty and complexity of those brushstrokes that appear to outline the entire picture.
See yourself as a masterpiece beyond your shortcomings, replete with bold brushstrokes that complete the whole person.
Transformational psychotherapist Linda Graham states in her book, Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being, “Include an appreciation of your own wholeness and your goodness, all your strengths, all your weaknesses, including the ones your inner critic is currently harping on. Include your friend’s love and acceptance of you, exactly as you are, with all of your human imperfections, and their understanding of all the events that created your way of being and your particular flavor of the universally human inner critic.”
Our imperfections call us to exercise self-compassion with our inner critic.
Don’t abandon yourself when the inner critic judges your imperfections. See it as an opportunity to love and accept the disapproving part of you, instead of waging war. With concentrated attention, we re-frame our inner dialogue to be more affirming.
We must honor our feelings and use them to examine what inflames our emotions. In this manner, we transform our inner dialogue to reaffirm our wholeness instead of focusing on our separateness.
You are born to be real, not perfect.
There is no personal growth in a Utopian world and the last time I checked, we are a great way off Heaven, Nirvana, or Paradise. We must quietly evolve into the highest version of ourselves.
Perfection is not the answer if we aspire to attain inner peace. It will lead us further astray because we’ll continuously strive to change aspects of ourselves we’re unhappy with.
Gratitude, however, opens the doorway to acceptance and a heart-centered focus.
Conclusion
In conclusion, your imperfections are based on an illusory perception that highlights one facet of your being.
You must welcome your imperfections so the wholeness of who you are is realized.
After all, it was Martin Luther King Jr. who declared, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
You got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. It is not easy beyond their flaws, but it is possible. There is a lot of good out there.
And there is a lot of good in you! Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or as I like to think of it–if it hadn’t been for the crackpots in my life, it would have been pretty boring and not so interesting.